Dear Incompetent Spammers:

Your attempts at filling my mailbox with your shite are somewhat amusing at best. Has it ever occurred to you that if you were running an actual legitimate business that it would be unnecessary to fill our inboxes with your offers because we, the savvy online creators that we are, do know how to use Google to find you and your products? Has it ever occurred to you that some of us out here have more than a third grade education and your attempts at using numbers as letters to avoid our spam filters are laughable, not to mention illiterate? I don’t suppose either thought ever crossed your minds because you keep using the same old tricks over and over again without success. Any moron who is stupid enough to click on your links definitely deserves whatever virii you’re dishing out from Russia, but I assume you were smart enough to track the success of your message campaigns and should have noted that I’m not one of those morons. I also have no use for your penis enlargement pills, your stock tips, your software offers, your cheap ink refills, or your prescription drugs in all their colourful varieties, and that slut Jen/Jenny/whoever-she-is-this-week may or may not be attractive to me, but the way she whores herself around online is one hell of a turn off, no matter how sweet or good looking she may be. A pity she doesn’t stay put at one URL, though, or maybe I’d send one of these other lusers with the humongous male appendage her way to give her a tryout… unfortunately, being female, I’m unsuited for such an escapade with her.

I think you should know I’ve completely given up banning your emails by IP, since those are spoofed anyway. I also don’t ban by email address, since I’m fairly sure those, too, are fake. Rest assured, however, that my customized spam filters are firmly in place and my anti-virus software is paid for and kept constantly updated. Therefore, I am not in need of your anti-virus software whose emails are infected with virii to attempt to give me a need for your products. I don’t use Microsoft Internet Explorer, so your attempts at opening back doors and key loggers and other such wastes of human effort are for nothing. I think I have my machine fairly well locked down from your efforts. You can give up now and go find a real job where you might actually get paid for your labor if, that is, you are at all capable of doing anything useful. By the looks of the illiterate spam you keep sending, I highly doubt that.

Sincerely,
The Evil Queen