Festivus for the Rest of Us

So Happy Festivus already, dammit. There is no tree. I will be checking yards and livingrooms for any aluminum poles. Demerits for those which are not at least eight feet in height. Your names and addresses will be noted in the Festivus Book. Those of you who wrap your Festivus poles with distracting tinsel or other googaws will be pleasantly surprised to find your car encased in ice in the morning, and if you don’t have a car, heh, I’ve got access to a copy machine and a box of swingline staples. If you can’t be bothered to go out and find an aluminium pole, there will be no airing of YOUR grievances THIS year.

Just doing my public duty, no need to thank me or anything, though you may wish to send an anonymous donation via my paypal button in the sidebar.

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that straightened out, here is my list of grievances…

1. RIAA and MPAA : Get out of the lives of file-sharers. You’re not welcome online.

2. Journalists : Do your jobs. Quit bowing to your corporate masters. Have a sense of ethics. Tell us the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth… even if it means outing your employer. Don’t filter the news and don’t try to entertain us, that’s not what we want.

3. Record Companies : If a CD only costs you $7, why are we still paying $15-$24 for them? The courts have already called you out on your price gouging, so why hasn’t anything changed? If you can’t meet consumer needs, the consumers will get their music elsewhere, with or without your consent.

4. Virtual Reality Vendors : Why do we still not have a 3DVR Web? Get your collective asses together and make it happen. You’ve only been promising this for a decade now, don’t you think it’s time you delivered?

5. FCC : Wake up and smell the coffee. Get the hell out of internet radio and let the public broadcast whatever they want. You have no business regulating the internet or even intervening on behalf of the music or movie industry. As far as I’m concerned, you’re obsolete and should be abolished today.

6. American Public : Turn your televisions off. You are being programmed. Aren’t you even the least bit outraged that there is no integrity to your voting system? Why do you rely on the government to “protect” you from everything in the world, when it clearly cannot do the job? Why do you believe everything you are being told and not investigate for yourself to find out the truth? Turn off the television.

If I’ve forgotten any, I’m sure you’ll remind me in the comments… right?