The Few, The Proud

Dear Barbara and Jenna Bush,

First let me congratulate you two on being able to avoid a constant negative spotlight, regardless of the drunken hedonistic lifestyle you lead and the paparazzi that follows you around from bar to bar. I can only imagine the enormous pressure you are both under having everything you do scrutinized by the media, your parents, the bloggers online, and even members of the Democratic party.

I’ve noticed, however, that neither one of you have jobs in these difficult times of high unemployment, and since neither of you have yet taken a job at McDonald’s, I’m thinking you might be unaware that gallantry in this time of war is gender-blind. I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you both know that if you marched down to the local recruiter tomorrow, it’s likely they could find something fashionable in sage green for you to wear and maybe find some sort of job for you to do in today’s armed forces! Then you wouldn’t have to feel like such useless putzes in the shadow of your famous “war president” daddy and grand-daddy, and you could serve as examples to all your Republican friends and supporters. Just think, you could even get some major league tattoos, since the only significant ink on either of you up to now has been on police reports detailing your underage drinking.

Although I tried, desperately, to talk my son out of it, he informed me yesterday afternoon that, following the tradition of military service in my family, he’d joined the Marine Corps. My kid’s got more balls than 99% of the rightwingers out there. Hell, even Jeff Gannon served in the military… I guess that puts him a notch higher than the rest of your rightwing friends who haven’t.

Lower than prostitutes.

Indeed.

Sincerely,

The Evil Queen